If you see signs of memory loss in your loved one, you may be worried about their quality of care, health, or safety.  Talking to them about your concern can help ease some of that worry and begin the larger conversation about a future care plan.

It’s important to remember that memory loss from dementia is not a normal part of aging.  Occasional forgetfulness, like misplacing an item or forgetting a word, can be part of normal aging.  Alzheimer’s and other dementias, however, involves significant memory loss and confusion that interfere with independence, such as getting lost in familiar places, forgetting important events, or struggling to complete once-familiar tasks.

Alzheimer’s and other dementias can come with a range of symptoms, and everyone experiences them differently.  Conversing with someone living with dementia is all about making things familiar and comfortable, while avoiding situations that could cause confusion or worry.  Addressing the concerns with your loved one can be a difficult conversation.  From knowing when it’s the right time, to how to create a plan—we’re here to help you navigate how to talk to your loved one about memory loss.

The Right Time

The earlier you can have this conversation, the better.  This will give you both more time to discuss a support and/care plan and allow your loved one to start thinking about a preferred continuing care retirement community that offers memory care, designate his or her medical, legal, and financial powers of attorney, and complete a living will or advance care directive.

It’s always best to have these important conversations—and the related documents—prepared ahead of time.  Doing so gives your loved one the chance to share their preferences and be involved in the decision-making.  Planning together in advance also brings peace of mind, knowing that when the time is right, your loved one can move into a retirement community with specialized memory care that offers the support, safety, and engagement they deserve.

To see if it’s the right time, look for reoccurring symptoms of memory loss such as: 

• Confusing places or times
• Misplacing items
• Challenges in problem-solving or planning
• Changes in mood or personality
• Poor judgment
• Trouble focusing
• Withdrawing from social activities

If you see a pattern of these symptoms in your loved one, it may be time to have a conversation with them and/or their healthcare provider.  We understand that it can be difficult or uncomfortable, so here are a few ways you can make that discussion go more smoothly. 

1. Plan out the meeting.

You don’t want to rush this conversation.  Instead, pick a time and prepare for it.  This way, you’ll have time to organize your thoughts into notes and have time to talk about everything you want to discuss.  Plan so that you and your loved one both have plenty of time to talk. 

Prepare yourself for pushback from your loved one.  Memory loss is a sensitive subject, and some people experiencing it might not recognize the symptoms in themselves.  They might withdraw or try to counter your thoughts.  If their safety (and the safety of those around them) is not in danger, support your loved one by letting them be right.  Remember that dementia is not a result of someone choosing to be difficult.  Real, physical changes to the brain mean someone with memory loss perceives things fundamentally different. Someone with dementia cannot simply “snap out of it,” they are reacting to stimuli that are as real to them as your perception is to you.

Navigating a Dementia Diagnosis? Download our NEW ERS Center for Memory Support and Inclusion (CMSI) Dementia Guide.

2. Have the conversation in private.

Since this can be a sensitive subject, you want to find a place where you won’t be interrupted and/or heard.  Avoid going out for dinner or coffee for this conversation.  Instead, sit down at home, where your loved one will feel comfortable, safe, and confident while speaking with you.

3. Choose your language carefully.

The last thing you want to do is come across as judgmental.  Think about your words before you speak so that your tone is loving and caring.  Try asking questions and making suggestions, rather than making concrete, definitive statements.  Make sure the conversation feels open for them to engage at any point.

Feelings often last longer than facts when communicating with someone with memory loss.  While the details of a conversation fade over time, how that conversation made them feel is longer lasting.  When your discussion makes someone feel loved, important, and heard, those feelings will last as well.

4. Create a plan together.

After you’ve expressed your thoughts, it’s time to create a plan for moving forward.

Some health issues can cause memory loss, and not all of them are permanent.  The first step should be for them to visit their primary care provider to see if this could be the cause.  For some, nutritional deficiency, sleep disorder, or medication reactions can cause memory loss.  With a change of regime or addressing a different health issue, memory loss can be reversed.

If the diagnosis involves dementia, Alzheimer’s, or other age-related memory loss, you’ll want to create a care plan with your loved one.  Involving them in their care decisions is important to ensuring all their wishes are met.

In the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, caring for your loved one at home may be possible.  Although the arrangement may be working now, it is beneficial to explore a well-established, trusted memory care community like the one at Marjorie P. Lee in Hyde Park, Ohio.

Exploring options early is important.  You and your loved one can tour the community and talk with residents and staff to see if it’s the right fit.  Having a plan and a preferred memory care community can be helpful if care needs change, and it may be safer to transition to memory care for additional support.

If you or a loved one are exploring memory care options, we invite you to experience the warmth and exceptional care at Marjorie P. Lee.  Schedule a complimentary tour today by contacting our Director of Community Relations, Jenn Schlotbom, at 513.533.5000 or jschlotbom@erslife.org.

Wondering if its the right time for memory support?  Complete our free (and quick) 4–5-minute survey to learn more about which living options may be the best fit for you and your family.