If you notice changes in a loved one’s memory, you may be worried about their quality of care, health, or safety. Talking to them about your concern can help ease some of that worry and begin the larger conversation about a future care plan.

It’s important to remember that memory loss from dementia is not a normal part of aging. Occasional forgetfulness, like misplacing an item, can be part of normal aging. Alzheimer’s and other dementias, however, involves significant memory loss and confusion that interfere with independence, such as getting lost in familiar places, forgetting important events, or struggling to complete once-familiar tasks.

Alzheimer’s and other dementias can come with a range of symptoms, and everyone experiences them differently. Talking to someone living with dementia is all about making things familiar and comfortable, while avoiding situations that could cause confusion or worry. Discussing concerns with your loved one can be a difficult conversation. From knowing when it’s the right time, to how to create a plan—we’re here to offer tips on how to talk to your loved one about memory loss.

Is It Time?

The earlier you can have this conversation, the better. This will give you both more time to discuss support and/or a care plan and allow your loved one to start thinking about a preferred continuing care retirement community that offers memory care, designate his or her medical, legal, and financial powers of attorney, and complete a living will or advance care directive.

It’s always best to have these important conversations—and the related documents—prepared ahead of time. Doing so gives your loved one the chance to share their preferences and be involved in the decision-making. Planning together in advance also brings peace of mind, knowing that when the time is right, your loved one can move into a retirement community with specialized memory care that offers the support, safety, and engagement they deserve.

To see if it’s the right time to begin this conversation, look for reoccurring symptoms of memory loss such as:

• Confusing places or times
• Misplacing items
• Challenges in problem-solving or planning
• Changes in mood or personality
• Poor judgment
• Trouble focusing
• Withdrawing from social activities

If you see a pattern of these symptoms in your loved one, it may be time to have a conversation with them and/or their healthcare provider. We understand that it can be difficult or uncomfortable, so here are a few tips that can help that discussion go more smoothly.

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1. Prepare Before the Conversation

You don’t want to rush this conversation. Instead, pick a time and prepare for it. This way, you’ll have time to organize your thoughts into notes and have time to talk about everything you want to discuss. Plan so that you and your loved one both have plenty of time to talk.

Prepare yourself for pushback from your loved one. Memory loss is a sensitive subject, and some people experiencing it might not recognize the symptoms in themselves. They might withdraw or try to counter your thoughts. If their safety (and the safety of those around them) is not in danger, support your loved one by letting them be right. Remember that dementia is not a result of someone choosing to be difficult. Real, physical changes to the brain mean someone with memory loss perceives things fundamentally different. Someone with dementia cannot simply “snap out of it,” they are reacting to stimuli that are as real to them as your perception is to you.

2. Choose a Comfortable Setting

Since this can be a sensitive subject, you want to find a place where you won’t be interrupted and/or heard. Avoid going out for dinner or coffee for this conversation. Instead, sit down at home, where your loved one will feel comfortable, safe, and confident while speaking with you.

3. Focus on Compassionate Language

The last thing you want to do is come across as judgmental. Think about your words before you speak so that your tone is loving and caring. Try asking questions and making suggestions, rather than making concrete, definitive statements. Make sure the conversation feels open for them to engage at any point.

Feelings often last longer than facts when communicating with someone with memory loss. While the details of a conversation fade over time, how that conversation made them feel is longer lasting. When your discussion makes someone feel loved, important, and heard, those feelings will last as well.

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4. Work Together on Next Steps

After discussing your concerns, the next step is deciding how to move forward together. A medical evaluation is often the first step. In some cases, memory issues may be caused by treatable conditions such as sleep disorders, medication side effects, or nutritional deficiencies.

If a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease is confirmed, families can begin discussing a care plan that evolves as needs change. Many families initially provide support at home, but it can also be helpful to learn about memory care communities that specialize in supporting individuals with memory loss.

Memory Care at Episcopal Church Home

For families navigating memory loss, having trusted support can make a meaningful difference. At Episcopal Church Home, our memory care program is designed to provide compassionate support in a welcoming and engaging environment. Residents benefit from personalized care, structured activities, and a team dedicated to promoting dignity and quality of life.

If you are exploring memory care options for a loved one, we invite you to learn more about the supportive community at Episcopal Church Home. To schedule a free tour of ECH today and learn more about our memory care community, contact Elizabeth Pace at 502-736-8043 or epace@erslife.org.