When discussing dementia-related symptoms, it’s important to use language that avoids judgment or negative connotations. When we stop and think about it, the term “behavior” can unintentionally suggest that the person with dementia is acting out intentionally or inappropriately. Instead, reframing these actions as observable symptoms of the disease process shifts the perspective to one of understanding and empathy.

Applying the Private Investigator Approach

When care partners adopt the role of a private investigator, they position themselves to better understand the underlying causes of behaviors rather than reacting to them at face value. This approach encourages observation, patience, and critical thinking. For example, instead of becoming frustrated when a person with dementia repeatedly asks the same question, the care partner can investigate the possible reasons behind this behavior. It could signify memory loss, anxiety about a particular event, or a need for comfort and reassurance. By analyzing factors such as the time of day, environmental conditions, or recent changes in routine, care partners can begin to uncover patterns and triggers.

This investigative mindset also prompts care partners to ask themselves key questions, such as, “What might they be trying to communicate?” or “How can I better meet their emotional or physical needs right now?” Over time, these insights can help in developing strategies to reduce stress for both care partners and individuals with dementia. By focusing on problem-solving and understanding, care partners are empowered to respond with empathy and effectiveness, improving the quality of life for everyone involved.

Benefits of Positive Reframing

• Encourages Empathy: Recognizing symptoms as part of the disease reduces frustration and fosters compassion.

• Prioritizes Understanding: Rather than reacting to the symptom, the care partner can focus on uncovering its cause and addressing the underlying need.

• Promotes Supportive Care: By reframing, the care partner becomes better equipped to provide meaningful care and support that aligns with the individual’s needs.

Specific Examples in Practice

• Instead of thinking, “Why is she being so resistant?” consider, “What might be causing her to refuse help? Could she be afraid or uncomfortable?”

• Instead of labeling an action as a “disruptive behavior,” recognize it as an “indicator of an unmet need” and explore possible solutions.

By changing how we describe and approach dementia symptoms, we can create a more supportive, respectful, and effective care environment for individuals living with dementia. Positive language reinforces the dignity of the person and empowers care partners to focus on understanding rather than reacting.

Avoiding Counterproductive Reactions

When supporting a loved one experiencing cognitive challenges, it is important to avoid reactions that may unintentionally exacerbate their symptoms or cause distress. Below are several common symptoms and approaches to avoid:

• Memory Loss: Repeatedly questioning your loved one about forgotten details or attempting to force recollection can lead to frustration or embarrassment. Instead, provide supportive prompts or gently change the subject if they are struggling.

• Confusion: Correcting them harshly when they misunderstand details about time, place, or relationships can increase their anxiety. Avoid arguing or contradicting them directly—validation and gentle guidance are often more effective.

• Difficulty Communicating: Criticizing or showing impatience when they struggle to find the right words may make them feel self-conscious. Encourage them with a calm tone and give them ample time to express themselves without interruption.

• Disorientation: Abrupt or rushed movements, especially in unfamiliar environments, can intensify their sense of unease. Ensure transitions are smooth and provide clear, reassuring explanations about what is happening.

By being mindful of these tendencies and addressing them with compassion and careful strategies, you can create a nurturing environment that supports their comfort and well-being.

Simple Methods That Work

There’s no “one-size-fits-all” solution for every person with cognitive loss, but experts with experience in the field have found that combining common-sense approaches and applying new techniques can have profound effects.

Change Conversational Strategies 

Have you ever found your mind wandering, making it hard to pick up the conversational thread again when you’re not sure who the “she” or “it” the story is about? That’s similar to how a person with dementia may feel as you give news from home or ask questions. Try to use proper nouns frequently by repeating the name of the person or place as you have a discussion and even add additional information to provide more context clues. 

For example, say “Your sister, Sharon, sent these photos” when you introduce a subject, and repeat “Sharon” and “your sister” often as you look through the photos. Or instead of talking about “Noli’s” when reminiscing about a favorite family hangout, say “That Italian place, Noli’s, around the corner from our house in Madison,” and other variations on the name.

These tactics are also helpful when you and your spouse or parent are with a group of visitors. Gently say, “Your granddaughter asked a good question, Mom. Were you the one who walked your sister Sharon to school when she was in kindergarten?”   

Try a Little Improvisation

It may seem strange, but studies have shown that improv classes and techniques can help you better communicate with individuals with dementia.

Related Blog: How Improv Can Help Care Partners

If you’ve ever taken an improv class, you know that the main tenet is to always respond to your scene partner, even if they say something that doesn’t make sense in the traditional context. Learning what’s known as the “Yes, and?” attitude of improv can help care partners develop the skill of rolling with whatever the person with dementia is expressing, rather than insisting on correcting the individual.

Often, people with dementia are living in their reality, rather than responding to their current situation. So, if you insist that they no longer work at the job they’re getting ready for, or that the company they’re expecting isn’t coming, it can be very upsetting. A wise care partner once shared, “You will never win an argument with a person with cognitive loss. My job is to know that they are right in their reality.” With improv training, care partners can respond as if they’re in their loved one’s reality too, and instead of correcting them, they can “explain” that it’s a holiday at the office or that the company called and had to reschedule for another day. 

Related Blog: The 3Rs: Right, Reassure, and Redirect

Explore Person-Centered Care

Because it can be challenging to determine which approaches will have the greatest impact on each person, a memory care community or support group can help incorporate various approaches, which is often key to effectively responding to dementia-related symptoms. 

New research shows that a holistic approach, in which each person’s needs (mind, body, and spirit) are considered, is most likely to help people with dementia and Alzheimer's disease. A range of therapies, from physical exercise and social activities, are part of the experience at Marjorie P. Lee. In addition, we offer one-on-one sessions designed to stimulate the prefrontal cortex, along with customized music playlists and software tools that deliver puzzles, games, and even treasured movies and television shows.

Don't Go at It Alone

Perhaps the most important coping strategy of all recognizes that you’re not in this alone. Whether you’re currently considering a memory care community or your loved one is already living in one, it can be hard to recognize that you don’t have to bear the weight of enriching your loved one’s life by yourself. 

At Marjorie P. Lee, our team is committed to providing each resident with personalized memory care support. At the same time, we’re also here to help you interact with your loved one in productive ways so that the time you spend together is as meaningful as possible.

Caring for someone with dementia is a journey filled with unique challenges, but also opportunities for connection, compassion, and resilience. By understanding the condition, focusing on effective communication, and seeking the right support, care partners can provide a nurturing and enriching environment for their loved ones.

Is it the right time for memory support? Complete our free (and quick) 4–5-minute survey to learn more about which living options may be the best fit for you and your family.