When Kathy McKinney and her siblings found a memory care neighborhood at Episcopal Church Home, it lifted a heavy weight from Kathy’s shoulders.
After the family became alarmed with the increasing memory challenges of their mom, Betty McKinley, Kathy became her primary caregiver – including shopping, cooking, and cleaning. She eventually quit her job to care for her full-time.
Betty McKinley, an ECH memory care resident, and her two daughters, Kathy McKinney (left) and Cherie Marshall.
Caring for her mother “was a joyful thing for me to do,” said Kathy, who quit her job to become her parents’ primary care provider, but she became overwhelmed by it.
It wasn’t until about a month after her mother had moved into a memory care neighborhood at Episcopal Church Home that Kathy realized how onerous the caregiving was for her – not that she didn’t love spending time with her mother.
“I had that ‘aha’ moment that I didn't realize how much I've been burdened. I didn't realize how worried I had been and how it affected me and my relationships with everyone.”
“I felt blessed that that we found Episcopal Church Home,” Kathy said. “We believe that this was the right place.”
Now, Kathy can focus more on herself and what’s right for her.
Kathy’s sister, Cherie Marshall, and their mom, Betty, also feel blessed by the move.
“It really is lovely,” Betty said. “I’ve enjoyed everybody. They’re very friendly and accepting. And we have a good time together.”
When Betty first arrived, Kathy was vigilantly checking to make sure she was being cared for as well as at home, “and I realized I don't have to do that anymore. I can just come and enjoy a visit with Mom.”
Both daughters have been impressed by the loving, tender care provided by Episcopal Church Home team members.
ECH recently changed its model for caring for residents, making it more personal for residents and their families. The addition of ‘versatile workers’—individuals who provide not only nursing but also housekeeping, daily enrichment activities, and meal serving—has increased the quality and depth of relationships between team members and residents.
Kathy could let out a big sigh of relief and go back to mainly being Mom’s loved one, rather than focusing so much on caregiving. “Now we can just enjoy Mom for Mom,” Kathy said.
RELATED BLOG: ECH NAMED BEST LOUISVILLE-AREA NURSING HOME
It’s a pleasure for Kathy and Cherie to visit their mother, who had been lonely at home – often with the TV and cat, and occasional visitors – enjoying chatting with her new friends at Episcopal Church Home. Even though Betty is on the introverted side, she shared with her children she was lonely at home.
Nowadays, she leaves her apartment when she feels like it and is surrounded by friends. She can sit in a common area and be comforted simply by hearing others chatting nearby.
Kathy shared that Betty doesn't necessarily have to be in the conversation. She feels pleasure from hearing the hum of human voices around her, knowing others are nearby as she works on a puzzle and can join a conversation if she wishes.
Betty also loves the food and enjoys the playful conversations over meals, in which residents interact just like family members. Whether it is going to another resident’s birthday bash or having quiet moments at home, Episcopal Church Home has it. . “She’s home,” Kathy said.
Planning in advance can avert significant missteps
“We knew that we needed to have someplace lined up in the event that something happened that she had to go quickly somewhere,” Kathy said. The family learned about that when their father went through a similar situation. It can be a difficult time for families. They wanted to create a smooth transition for their mother.
Social workers, financial planners and other experts recommend planning for such crises before they happen because without such planning, families often find themselves having to make decisions rapidly, and ones they may come to regret.
It’s important to find a community that fits your loved one
When a family has time to explore retirement communities before there’s a crisis, they can find a place that’s perfect for them.
“You have to find the right fit,” Kathy said. ”We had to feel comfortable with the home as well as my mother, or we wouldn't be at peace. Finding Episcopal Church Home and falling in love – literally – with it and the people here, it's been a true blessing. My siblings feel the same way.”
Jomiya Coleman, administrator at Episcopal Church Home, says there are several milestones when families should start looking for a campus to care for an older relative with memory-care needs. Is your loved one lonely, starting to have problems taking their medicine, starting to fall, or has declining health? “Those are points when you probably want to start looking at a community,” Jomiya said. Ideally, “it would be nice to start looking at a community before all that happens.”
Because of Episcopal Church Home, Kathy and Cherie are daughters again.
Click below to learn about Memory Care at Episcopal Church Home.
To schedule a tour of other parts of the Episcopal Church Home retirement community, contact Elizabeth Pace at (502) 736-8043 or by email at epace@erslife.org.