Remember when you were in school? It seemed so incredibly easy to make friends in those days. Dozens of them, in fact. And there was always room for more.
It was simpler then, when you spent the whole day in school, interacting with dozens and dozens of interesting individuals your own age. At least a few of your classmates were always ready to chat in the hallways between classes or plan afterschool fun.
But making friends became more complicated as you got older. Work provided some opportunities, of course, with holiday parties and other company events, but you lost touch with your coworkers after retirement. And you left the workforce quite some time ago.
Ever since then, your world seems to have become much narrower.
But that doesn’t mean the importance of friends and friendship has diminished. In many ways companionship is even more important as we get older, particularly for those with memory loss.
There was an article in the New York Times some time ago in which a 71-year-old woman named Rose Haber addressed the need for new friendships with a refreshing directness.
Haber, a widow living in the Bronx who had made several new friends in the past year, was reflecting on how essential it was to keep making friends, no matter what her age.
''It is critical for older people like me to develop new friendships because we are losing so many other relationships. Family members die, and lifelong friends move away. If the elderly don't replace these relationships, they can end up feeling lonely and isolated.''
Friendship is more than just a warm and fuzzy thing that makes daily life richer.
In a decade-long study of social networking among older adults, researchers from the Centre for Ageing Studies at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia concluded that a network of good friends is more likely to increase longevity than close family relationships.
According to Lynne Giles, one of four primary researchers, "it looks as if friends are most important in terms of survival."
Surprisingly, the study discovered that close relationships with children and other relatives, while sometimes emotionally gratifying, had little effect on longevity rates.
Think about that for a moment. Usually, we regard family relationships as by far the most important ties in our lives. But as it turns out, prevailing wisdom doesn’t seem to be upheld by science, and the Aussie researcher decided to dig deeper to find out why that was the case—at least in their study.
Older adults with extensive networks of good friends and confidantes outlived those with the fewest friends by 22 percent— numbers that held true despite the presence of factors we usually associate with shortened life span such as the death of a spouse of other close family members.
In some ways, moving to a memory care household can be like days gone by in terms of making friends. Residents with cognitive loss can foster friendships by engaging in structured social activities to promote interaction. People living in a memory care household can participate in group exercises, art or music classes, and other events to create environments where individuals feel comfortable and encouraged to communicate. Additionally, pairing residents with similar interests or backgrounds can help ease the process of building connections. Using memory aids, such as photo albums or memory boxes, can also serve as a great conversation starter, allowing individuals to share stories and experiences that resonate with them.
What connects residents in a memory care household is typically in their long-term memory, which, for many people with cognitive loss, is still intact. Communities such as Episcopal Church Home understand this and can help residents find friends that share interests they have had for a long time, such as gardening, art, music, cooking, or traveling.
Bryan Berman, the household coordinator at Episcopal Church Home’s memory support household, shared, “Watching our residents make new connections and friends is one of the greatest parts of my job. Residents typically find connections over the activities or common interests.” A retirement community can be a great place to foster friendship. It is also good to know that we are never too old to make new friends.
If you are caring for a loved one with memory loss, we invite you to visit Episcopal Church Home to see how your loved one could foster new friendships and connections. We would love to give you a tour of renovated Memory Care households. For information about the continuum of care at Episcopal Church Home, contact Elizabeth Pace at (502) 736-8043 or email her at epace@erslife.org.